Understanding Mismatched Libido: Knowing How To Deal With It?

by Nick Swanson

Mismatched Libido

Mismatched libido refers to the difference in how often two partners want to engage in a sexual activity. Most people expect their partner to be the same as them in terms of sexual activity. People are diverse in their sexuality and they differ in their sexuality.

There are varied libido types and the most common are erotic libido and sensual libido. Sensual libidos are people who do not value sexual activity as much as the emotional connection that they have with their partner. Erotic libido are those people who want to have hot, passionate, intense and varied sex most of the time.


Libido is a term that is used to describe sex drive. Sex drive is a term that is used to describe how one desires or wants to have sex. Libido can be describes as low or high and this shows how often an individual wants to have a sexual intercourse. Many elements can be used to describe libido than the desire to have sex.

This includes the things that trigger the desire to have sex, the things that cause an arousal in an individual, the meaning of sexual activity to an individual and the meaning of a sexual activity to the relationship. Mismatched libido is a term that is used to describe to partners that differ in how often they want to be intimate.

This is where one of the partner may have a high libido while the other one has a low libido. Some people will want to have sexual intercourse daily while other may never want to have it again. It can also refer to two people who want to have sex at the same time, but they differ in their understanding of the meaning of sex. Some people may have sex as a routine or as a task that they have to fulfill for their partner.

Other people may want to have sex as an intimate and a pleasurable thing that they share with those they love. The mismatch may occur in the needs and wants and can lead to one partner withdrawing from being intimate with their partner.

How to Deal With Mismatched Libido?

There is no remedy guaranteed to work for a couple who have mismatched libido. However, there are ways in which the couple can work together to ensure that they get the sex life that they want. This will also help to ensure that each of the partner is sexually satisfied.

Each of the partners should realize that they are different but they are all equal. The difference in the needs and wants do not make them either right or wrong.

The partners should respect each other needs and encourage each other to say what is important to them
The partners are encouraged to avoid judging each other by using selfish and cold words. This will only lead to more problems in the relationship and drive them more apart.

Every partner is encouraged to be ready to listen to the other partner and ask for their opinions on how to resolve problems.

The Available Solutions

The couple is encouraged to identify what they would like their partner to do for them. Each of the partners is encouraged to be realistic with their needs and understand that they are all different. It is important to ask one’s partner to do what they are capable of doing. For example, it will be hard for one to expect their partner to increase their sexual frequency suddenly or initiate sex more passionately if they have a low libido.

Each of the partners should take responsibility to ensure that they are both satisfied sexually in the relationship. Everyone is encouraged to take the first step and make the changes that their partner desires.
It is important to note that one can only change their behavior and not their partner’s. When one focuses on meeting the needs of their partner, they will find that their sex life will ultimately improve.

Some Tips That Can Help In Mismatched Libido

It is important to work together instead of working against each other. This will help in avoiding any of the partners feeling let down and hurt. When one partner takes responsibility of the other and tries to fulfill their needs, their confidence as a partner and as a lover grows. A good lover is the one who is sensitive to the needs of their partner and they are flexible and reasonable to change for the sake of their partner.


People have different personalities and the same goes for their sexuality. Partners should not assume that their needs are the same as those of their partner. It is important for couples to have an open communication where each expresses their needs. Every partner should take responsibility of initiating the changes that are needed in the relationship. This can be done by fulfilling the sexual needs of your partners. This will motivate the other partner in meeting your needs and this will improve the sexual activity in the relationship.