I’ll never forget when I finally seduced that hottie I’d been pursuing my whole twentieth summer. The memory sticks in my mind because I came when I put the condom on.
Fast forward to meeting my now wife when I was about to turn 50. We were so hot for each other but my sexual stamina hadn’t improved that much.
Fortunately, she was studying to be a Tantra teacher and dragged me to a few workshops. There I learned that there was a simple and reliable secret to overcoming premature ejaculation.
Sure, you’re thinking, that helps a lot! Just don’t do what nature is forcing your body to do.
Actually, it is that simple. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy to master without the right kind of practice. To understand why relaxing is the key, you need to grasp the mechanics of coming.
The Two Stages Of Coming
Male ejaculation occurs in two stages, emission and expulsion.
During emission, sperm is pumped up from your testicles into your prostate gland.
This walnut-sized organ that lies just below your bladder is actually composed of 40 little mini-glands surround by a muscular sheath.
Emission happens when this covering tightens and empties the mixture of several fluids into your urethra to form semen.
Then the expulsion phase takes over. This is the rhythmic, wavelike pelvic muscle contractions that propel semen down the urethra until it spurts out.
Scientists who study orgasms tell us that the average guy is likely to have ten to fifteen pelvic spasms that last a little less than a second each. It’s the contractions
of these muscles that are the main source of the fantastic pleasure that an orgasm gives you.
Did you follow that the prostate muscle causes the emission of semen and the pelvic muscles cause its expulsion? If you learn to relax the first contraction, you can enjoy the second set of spasms over and over without making a big wet spot.
Yes, you can make the normally involuntary sexual discharge voluntary. In other words, you can learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation and choose when to squirt.
What I learned from Tantra was how to relax my prostate gland when I get really excited. I’m not perfect and sometimes slip over the edge. But most of the time I can simply command my gland to relax and it does.
1] Teach Your Body To Relax
Are you thinking, “Maybe that’s simple, but how can I do what seems impossible at first glance?” Seems like another case of “easier said than done.”
I didn’t master it overnight.
But when I finally did, I realized I had gone through six steps to get there. So I wrote my first Tantric book about it, Male Multiple Orgasm, which has helped thousands of other guys so far.
Since my college education was in organic chemistry, I had to turn my discovery into a formula. I call it the RAMPER formula, which stands for…
- Pace yourself,
- Energy circulation, and
- Ride the wave.
Well, there’s the insidious “R” again. But never fear, in my Tantra training I learned several simple things you can do quite easily to relax.
Sexologists describe orgasm as the release of muscular tension due to sexual arousal. You know how you tense up, especially down there, when you get turned on? I started by practicing how to relax my whole body even before the action heats up.
The first I call the Muscle Relaxation Exercise which actually has its roots in Hatha Yoga’s corpse posture. You just lay down and tell your body to relax. If yours is as obstinate as mine is, it won’t happen everywhere at once.
So you start at your feet and tense them up on purpose. Then you relax them. Move up to your calves and tense and release. And so on up your legs, thighs, butt, pelvis, back, stomach, chest, shoulders, arms, neck, and head.
2] Not Baseball Or Your Grandmother
The “A” of RAMPER is for awareness, a basic element of Tantric practice. That means being conscious and opening your senses.
Instead of distracting yourself by thinking about baseball or being in bed with your grandmother, you pay attention to what’s going on inside.
You can’t gain mastery over your sexual responses until you’re aware of every little thing that’s happening when you come. The more you notice and feel, the more you’ll be in charge of what’s happening down there.
To get more aware of the ejaculation process, I started an intensive program of masturbation. Well, to be perfectly honest with you, I was doing a lot of it already.
The aim of my new program was to go slow and pay attention instead of trying to get myself off quickly. In Tantra we call it “self-pleasuring” when our purpose is to feel good for a while and not try and release the tension right away.
So when I played with myself, I watched what happened at each step. Most importantly, I examined what triggered the emission stage of ejaculation. The A step is really a stepping stone to the M step.
The “M” teaches you to monitor and measure your level of arousal. Other sexologists recommend using a 10-point scale of turn-on. 0 means nothing is happening, 5 means you’re having fun, and 10 means you’re coming.
If you know where your excitement level is at all times, then you can adjust the stimulation you’re getting. When you’re getting too close to 9, you back off. When you’re hovering around 5, you ramp things up a bit.
I mastered the measuring step in the formula by pleasuring myself up and down the scale on command. My aim wasn’t to squirt, but rather to see how close I could come without letting go. Sure, I made lots of wet spots as I was progressing.
But gradually I got in charge of speeding up, slowing down, and targeting how much excitement I could handle at each point.
My book recommends that, when you’ve got a solid handle on R, A, and M, you practice the same things with your partner. And talk about it a lot.
3] Meditation Is Not What You Think
This puts my body in a totally tension-free state. But my mind is another major obstacle in relaxing. That’s where meditation comes in, a fundamental practice of Tantra.
Tantra is actually a spiritual philosophy which is more about raising consciousness and less about sex. But some of these tools are really helpful to a hypersensitive guy like me.
I relax my mind by meditating. All that really means is quieting the thinking mind. Again, easier said than done.
But you can still the inner chatter with this daily exercise. Sit comfortably for a few minutes and watch your breath coming in and out.
That’s it. Oh, sure, thoughts will spring up and distract you. When you notice you’re thinking, just shift your attention back to your breath.
Mastering the RAMPER formula begins with solo exercises like these. But sexual encounters with another person are by nature stressful. Worrying about squirting, pressuring yourself to make her come, wondering if your cock is big enough — these concerns are the enemies of relaxation.
Which is why I could never overcome premature ejaculation when all I had was a series of one-nighters.
I had to man up, own my problem, and communicate with my partner before I could really relax. I told her I was on a program to fix it and needed her help.
In the meantime, I got really good at using my fingers and mouth so she wouldn’t feel deprived.
4] The 3 P’s
“P” stands for pleasure, pacing, and peaking. In all of life, but especially during sex, Tantra teaches us to focus on pleasure and making it last. If you focus on orgasm, you put the thing you don’t want squarely in your mind.
So many of us had our first sex on the sly with our hand or on the couch with the folks upstairs. We’re programmed to rush headlong towards the climactic destination so we won’t be caught.
Instead Tantra adepts slow down and stretch out the enjoyment as long as we can. That’s pacing in a nutshell. Take your time and smell the roses. Or those other delicious aromas of sex. Pacing is easier once you’ve mastered R, A, and M. Then you aim to cycle up and down between 5 and 8 or thereabouts.
The key to pacing is consciously “peaking.” Peaking means adjusting the stimuli that give you sudden surges of arousal so you come back down without going over the top. When graphed, peaking looks like a steep ascent followed by a steep descent.
5] Spread The Energy
The “E” of RAMPER remains for Energy(vitality) and coursing it far from your private parts. From the Tantric perspective, ejaculation is caused by building up more sexual energy down there than you can contain.
Your crotch gets so full and tense that you seemingly have no other option but to release the dense erotic charge by ejaculating.
The first stage of spreading the energy for most guys is experiencing dry orgasm. This is when you have all the delightful expulsion spasms without the emission.
Dry orgasms make me less sensitive for a while so I can pump vigorously as my excitement rises again. That’s how I can repeat the whole cycle as many times as I want.
As fantastic an accomplishment as dry orgasm is for one of us ultra-sensitive types, it’s only the first level of ejaculation mastery.
Tantric adepts major in directing, conserving, and recirculating kundalini, the ancient name for sexual energy.
We do this by redirecting kundalini up, around, and throughout our body, allowing it to carry us to higher and higher levels of pleasure.
Not only does it feel ecstatic, but since we aren’t depleting our energy storehouse, we’re able to last and last and last.
When you spread your sexual energy all over inside your body, not only does it feel even better than a few measly pelvic muscle contractions, but the urge to squirt subsides.
Then instead of spraying semen all about, you trigger all your cells to come energetically. When you can orbit in the ecstasy of full-body orgasm, no one will have convince you to delay ejaculation until you’ve both had enough.
In other words, sexual energy conservation is the real secret to unlimited staying power.
If you want to know more about how to do this, download a copy of my latest ebook, Long Hot Tantric Love Making, here.
6] Ride The Wave
The final “R” is about riding the wave of ecstasy and just relaxing into it. That is the reason the acronym RAMPER is so adept, depicting how your pleasure increase & ramps up.
Most men who come quicker than they want to never experience these escalating plateaus. They never develop the capacity to absorb more and more pleasure.
I’ve been perfecting my technique for twenty years now. After all the pleasure waves I’ve surfed, and all the times I’ve slipped and come, I’m much more in control. I can tell before I get to the point of no return and take action to back off.
Now I can make love again and again for hours.
What a joy that I can bypass the urge to let go and propel myself to higher peaks and loftier plateaus.
When I’m floating in the stratosphere, it feels like waves of ecstasy surging inside. It’s like a continuous orgasm that gets stronger and stronger the longer I go.
Now getting here is a gradual step-by-step learning process. It took me a couple years before I could depend on it. But now that my formula is refined, most of my students get there within a few weeks or a couple of months.
Believe me, once you’ve experienced a non-stop whole-body energy-recirculating inner orgasm, you’ll do everything you can to master the RAMPER formula.
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