What makes a sexual experience extraordinary? Most people report that it is the depth of intimacy and connection that one feels with one’s partner that transforms an ordinary sexual experience into something truly remarkable.
Unfortunately, our feelings of intimacy and connection can change or become clouded over time, due to the demands of work, family, and life in general.
Luckily, Tantra offers us many effective techniques for cultivating intimacy and rekindling passion.
Here are 7 Tantric Principles for transforming your ordinary sex into an experience of extraordinary intimacy, connection and bliss!
#1 Create Sacred Space
For many couples, sex becomes a routine afterthought, often taking the back seat to the many other important demands of our day to day life. And yet, our sexual connection is literally the fuel that feeds our most intimate relationships.
Creating space and time in our lives to nourish our sexual connection can deepen emotional bonds, and enrich our relationship in every way possible.
Here are a few ways you can begin creating sacred space for intimate connection:
*Schedule weekly “intimacy enrichment” dates. We schedule everything else in our lives, why not make a date with your partner to enhance your intimate connection.
I usually recommend about 1.5 to 2 hours once a week to give you plenty of time to relax, explore, and play.
*Create a Tantric Temple. Tantra encourages us to be present with and connect through our senses; sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Creating an environment that delights and enriches our senses can help us feel more relaxed and present with ourselves and each other.
In Naomi Wolf’s book “Vagina”, she shares research which shows that comfort and lighting can play a huge role in relaxing a woman’s nervous system enough to easily achieve orgasm.
#2. Get Present!
We often come to our sexual experiences still carrying the weight and busy-ness of the day. In fact, having an overly busy mind is one of the number one complaints I hear from couples who are seeking more intimacy and connection in the bedroom.
Taking a few moments to get present to yourself and your body can enhance your sense of connection to your partner, as well as increase sensitivity and sexual sensation.
Cultivating presence is actually a very simple process. Simply sit upright in a comfortable position and focus on your breath as you inhale and exhale through the nose.
Put your attention on your belly and feel the rise and fall as you breathe. Now continuing to observe the rise and fall of your abdomen, count 10 deep full breaths.
When you are done counting, put your attention on your physical body, and simply observe how your body feels.
This process of putting attention on your breathing process gets you out of your head and into your body.
Once you have connected with yourself, it is time to share that connecting with your partner. Begin by sitting in a comfortable position facing one another.
You can sit in the traditional Tantric position of “Yab Yum”, which consists of the female partner sitting in the male partner’s lap, facing him with legs straddled around him.
If this is uncomfortable, you can simply sit facing each other with knees touching.
Once you have settled into your position, the next step is to make eye contact. This is a Tantric practice called “eye gazing”, and it consists of simply looking into your partner’s eyes, and drinking each other in so to speak.
The eyes are said to be the windows to the soul, and for certain we receive many nonverbal communications from others through direct eye contact.
Prolonged, direct eye contact has also been shown to stimulate the production of oxytocin, which is the “bonding” hormone, and contributes to feelings of emotional closeness and connection.
You can also take this time to synchronize your breathing patterns so that your inhalation and exhalation are in harmony. It has been clinically proven that when two or more people breath at the same rate and pace their heartbeats will synchronize! How’s that for connection?
Hindu Tantra teaches the practice of “Worshiping the Divine” in your partner. This concept centers around the belief that your relationship becomes a spiritual practice when you recognize the God or Goddess within your partner, and honor the divinity within them.
In modern terms this can be thought of simply as a “gratitude practice”, in which we spend a few moments sharing words of appreciation with our partner, thanking them for the many ways they make our lives better and more fulfilling.
I like to say that appreciation is the sunshine that makes the flower of the heart blossom. Recent studies have shown that focusing on gratitude or appreciation actually activates the brainstem region that produces dopamine, and can also boost your serotonin levels as gratitude forces us to focus on the positive aspects of our lives and in turn, increases the production of serotonin and creates a sense of happiness within us.
#5 Pleasure As A Heart Offering
Our cultural orientation to sex is usually more focused on what we can get from the experience, as opposed to what we can give. Yet Tantra teaches us that love is actually desiring happiness and pleasure for others, … especially our partners!
It is from this point of view that we approach sexual connection from a place of how much, and in what ways, we can give pleasure to our partners, as a “heart offering” or gift of love.
The beauty of this approach lies in the fact that often being fully present with receiving the “gift” of pleasure our partner is offering is often the most wonderful thing we can “give” in that moment.
It can become a very positive feedback loop of one person being the “giver” and the other person “giving back” by fully receiving the gift of being offered.
I like to say that Tantra is a team sport, and both couples are on the same team and have the same goal. And just like any other team sport, open, honest communication is essential to all players winning.
Giving verbal feedback to our partners about what they are doing right when it comes to their “pleasure offering” builds intimacy, trust, and ensures that we are able to fully receive the gift they want to give us!
#7 Pleasure Is The Only Goal!
The conventional orientation to sex is usually to reach the goal of orgasm as quickly as you can. And yet sex can be the most intimate and wonderful experience we can have as human beings, so why the rush?
Tantra teaches us that the goal of sex is not about orgasm. The goal of sex is about pleasure and connection to each other through pleasure.
This is because in many ways pleasure is medicine. Physiologically, pleasure produces life-giving hormones in the body that contribute to better health, boosted immunity, peace of mind, emotional stability, and social bonding, just to name a few.
Emotionally pleasure helps us feel more relaxed, open and connected to ourselves and partners.
Spiritually pleasure can be used as a pathway to higher states of consciousness and self-realization.
There are many tools Tantra offers which can help us experience more intimacy, connection, please and joy, not just in the bedroom, but in every area of our life. Using these 7 Tantric principles can make your sex life truly extraordinary and enriching on every level.
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In-Post Image: Shutterstock.com & Mindvalleyacademy.com